


Let's Write: HuniePop!

by HiddenHandBlade



Category: HuniePop (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 03:14:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4505556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenHandBlade/pseuds/HiddenHandBlade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A novelization attempt of Candy Crush dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Write: HuniePop!

The night was turning out to be another of the usual - the sort where you wondered why you even bothered going to the bar to begin with. Sure, you had gotten sick of videogames, streaming sites and porn, but at least they were cheaper forms of entertainment, and you largely didn't have to embarrass yourself. The recent memory of the girls at the bar walking haughtily away, laughing at your expense plays in your mind. You give yourself another series of mental kicks. Why did you think those tips off the Internet would work? And on a wikia, no less! You knock back a hearty swig of beer. Another date with Rosie Palms was likely tonight.

And then she appeared. "Hi there!"

In all honesty, she didn't look like the sort to stand out, much less approach anyone. The brunette's skirt was flaring high along her thighs and the loose straps of her dress were certainly enticing, but aside from that, you weren't too fazed. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the constant spate of rejections. All you did was respond to her greeting with a blank expression on your face. Still she took this all in stride, introducing herself as Kyu... or Q. It was hard to tell, more so when your eyes glazed over as she gave an appraisal of your courtship skills. "Great, just what I needed," you muttered under your breath. "Another girl telling me how I'm making the both of us uncomfortable."

Oddly enough, she didn't appear too bothered. If anything, she seemed excited at this, exclaiming about... prospects or something? Before you realised it she had leaned in closer, promising to meet soon, then darting out of the door.

Without leaving her phone number, of course. You dragged your palm wearily over your face, before finishing your drink and dropping the money on the bar. Maybe you could sleep the nightmarish evening away, just like you failed to do for all the others.

***

"I said, GET UP!"

There was something familiar about the voice urging into your ear, but you weren't too keen on rising. You already had insufficient sleep as it was, and you had no desire for the painful night to last any longer than it needed to. Still, you eventually tore the blanket off you, none too happily, and spent the following minute with your jaw on the mattress.

A girl stood at your bedside, sporting a pink costume probably taken from a skimpy anime somewhere, along with a pair of translucent wings. You gave a disgruntled snort, but she stopped you before you go back to Sleep Mode. Formally, she introduced herself as Kyu, the love fairy, tasked with helping socially inept males and teaching them how to become "babe magnets".

At this point you actually turned around to go back to sleep, but a quick elbow to your gut interrupted that attempt, and you finally sat and listened to her continued review of how much you sucked at dating. Nonetheless, she said, it was her job to help you out - regardless of what you felt. What you felt was a giant pile of horseshit, but soon enough Kyu dragged you out of the door, oddly without flying.

***

"This is the date grid."

The words came out of Kyu's mouth, but you still had no idea what it was, beyond the fact that it was a flat checkerboard design littered with a mess of multicolored icons. What looked like an empty health bar sat at the bottom.

"When you're on a date with a girl, you need to achieve enough affection with the girl or she'll get annoyed and leave. You get affection through matching these symbols," Kyu pointed. "Talent, flirting, romance and sexuality. You'll have to show these off if you wanna impress a girl enough to get in her pants."

You paused. It made sense, at least in theory.

"Okay, but what are these things?"

"Oh, the hearts represent Passion. They don't actually add to affection, but if a girl is feeling more passionate, your moves will have a greater effect on her. Teardrops represent Sentiment, making her more receptive to gifts."

"Wonderful, we're already talking about spending money I don't have."

"It's okay, they're magical love fairy gifts! If you do well enough on your dates, they'll be given to you over time. And best of all, they regenerate after each date no matter what happens."

"What about those other two?"

"Well, the bells indicate Joy. Basically, a girl's happiness only lasts so long, right? You only have so much time to impress a girl, so if she's feeling joyful, the two of you get to enjoy a longer date!"

"And... the purple hearts?"

"Right, those. Unfortunately... not even I can help you there. Bad things can happen no matter how much you prepare for them - if you happen to come across a combination of those guys, the results will be pretty terrible. ...Thankfully you've got ways around those, though."

"I still don't get it. What's the point of all this?"

"Duh!" Kyu flicked you on the forehead. "Look, the whole reason why you're such a klutz when it comes to the girls is because you have no confidence! Even if you have some idea of what you could do, you don't know what decisions to make. That's why you mess up!"

"And this grid is supposed to help me?"

"Granted, not even the date grid can help you look into the future. There's no telling from the beginning how successful a date will go. That's all up to YOU - " she prodded a finger against your chest, "And this grid is going to help you make sense of those decisions, in a stress-minimal environment. YOU'RE the one who's going to decide what moves to put on a girl, and how - focusing on building affection, or waiting to make the right move."

"Riiight. And how is this going to work for any girl I come across? Every girl is different, isn't she?"

"Point taken. Which is where this little gadget comes in!" Out of nowhere, Kyu magicked out a palm-sized device into your expectant hand.

"Thanks, but I already have a cellphone."

"Ah, but this isn't your ordinary run-of-the-mill mobile! The HunieBee four-point-oh is the must-have love fairy gadget for any player on the go. Think of it like a user-friendly, automatic database for girls - it reveals and stores data about them, and lets you purchase manage date inventory, all in real-time. I'm sure you can figure it out!"

"Uh huh," you nod, flipping through the various status screens. Aside from phone numbers, you see various lists and tables tracking gift preferences, trivial information, and an app store for different gifts (along with a "Munie" meter - love fairy currency, you guess).

"So, whaddya think?!"

"...Just one more question," you finally say. "What are you getting out of all this?"

"C'mon! Can't a girl help out a guy with no strings attached?" beams Kyu. Whether she's being sincere or not, you can't say for sure - not that you have the ability to precisely discern it. "Besides, it's not like you have anything to lose, do you?"

"Let's see. My wallet's empty, my heart's broken and my dignity's running on empty. I guess you're right there."

"That's the spirit! Now let's go talk to some broads!"


End file.
